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BY COMMANDER GILMORE
June 2008

Net-Bangers Tell Cops
To “Come Get It!”

Illustration by Nick Petrosino

Inexpensive, simple-to-operate digital video cameras are plentiful, and posting your own videos on Web sites like YouTube is so easy that even three-times-convicted gangsters can make their own cinematic masterpieces — and then go to prison for being idiots.
“Net-banging” is a new pastime for criminal gangs — posting videos essentially braggin’ about what bad boys they are. Rudy Villanueva, the reputed leader of the Bird Road Boys and his sidekick, Tony Logan, really enjoyed their 15 minutes of fame on YouTube, where they danced and postured with a variety of firearms while making death threats against Miami PD’s Metro Dade Gang Unit.

“Here I am, baby,” Rudy challenged the cops. “Come get it!” he leered, pulling the trigger on an AK-47.

The Gang Unit saw it, all right — and then they went and got it. Somebody should have reminded Villanueva that as a thrice-convicted felon on parole, he is prohibited from even touching guns, or hangin’ out with fellow felons like Tony. The Dangerous Duo were prob’ly hitting “replay” on their video when the doors and windows of their hideout came crashing in, filling the place with black ninja-uniforms and guys with big guns.

We don’t think they’ll be getting any awards for cinematography — or for brains, either.

Now You’ve Done It!

nt Reinaldo Herrera was plumb tuckered out last December when he finally finished putting up his outdoor Christmas lights and shuffled into his house. He was so tired he didn’t notice he was being followed — by wannabe crook Santos Zelaya, 21. Suddenly Herrera was confronted in his living room by an angry, violent, threatening young man brandishing what turned out to be a pellet pistol, which Herrera thought was quite real. Zelaya blustered, demanding jewelry and money, and Herrera was inclined to give in. Then Zelaya gratuitously kicked over Herrera’s Christmas tree and nativity scene — and the fight was on!
“Jesus, Mary and the wise men all fell to the ground,” Herrera later explained to officers. That’s when Zelaya went down under a barrage of punches. “I don’t know where I got the power. I punched him many, many times, and he got afraid,” said the five-foot six-inch supermarket worker.

Zelaya finally fought his way out of Herrera’s house, but police picked him up quickly. In the chill December night, he was the only idiot running around without a coat on. Zelaya’s coat was still clenched in one of Herrera’s fists.

One Hard Head
Smokey Taylor, an 80-year old retired U.S. Army Special Forces sergeant, is the oldest member of Chapter XXXIII of the Special Forces Association. Widely respected by all, he never dreamed he would be brought up on charges in a special tribunal of that organization. Following an incident with a knife-wielding burglar, his fellow association members charged him with “failing to use a weapon of sufficient caliber” to get the job done right, as he had been trained to do.

Smokey’s “trial” was all in fun. He had been awakened by an intruder breaking into his Brevard, N.C., home. Smokey grabbed the closest weapon at hand — a .22-caliber pistol — and investigated. He found himself face to face with a knife-wielding thug. When the burglar refused to submit or back off, Smokey popped him with one round right in the forehead — and was almost hit by the slug as it bounced off!

“That boy had the hardest head I’ve ever seen,” Taylor said after his “trial.” The burglar sorta stumbled and fell, recovered enough to crawl, and then ran out Taylor’s door and into the street, where he was arrested a short time later suffering from a bad bruise, a splitting headache and “aromatic trousers.” He had involuntarily — and explosively — evacuated his bowels during the incident.

Witnesses against Smokey complained that he could have saved the county and taxpayers the expense of a trial, postulating that he should have used a .45 or at least a .38 Special to assure “mission success.” His “defense counsel,” another retired Special Forces weapons expert, argued that Smokey’s choice was sound, assuring low penetration and precise control, but the ammo was probably old and defective. Smokey was cleared of charges and congratulated. He reported that he had also purchased some new ammunition.
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