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But It Looked Like A Regulation Police BBQ Utensil

But It Looked Like A Regulation Police BBQ Utensil

A word of advice: Even if you know you’re driving too fast, and even if the guy who tries to pull you over yells that he’s a policeman and you must stop or be placed under arrest, if his scepter of authority — or maybe his “alternative sidearm?” — is a 10-inch barbecue fork, he’s probably not a real cop, so keep driving and hope for the best.

According to police in Pompano Beach, Fla., 69-year-old Howard Schultz actually got at least one motorist to pull over when he loudly identified himself as a police officer and waved his barbecue fork at ’em. The motorist didn’t even recall exactly what Howard was yakkin’ at him about while he was stopped, but believably said he feared for his life as Howie waved that big fork at him. The victim was finally released on his own recognizance and called the real cops. They found Howard pointing his fork at other drivers and arrested him for aggravated assault, impersonating an officer, and probably some kind of food-preparation offense.

I think I’ll stick to pointing an old hair dryer, painted flat black, at passing speeders. It slows ’em right down. But I really need a big LED-lit display board on which I can flash my estimates of their speeds and some enlightening message. Send your donations to me care of Shooting Industry magazine, OK? Thanks!

Stupid, Shirtless Criminals

And our dumb crook of the month is … Jonathan Huntley, of Charlotte, N.C.! Police offered no explanation for why Huntley left his T-shirt at the scene of a home invasion robbery, but they’re glad he left the one he did. It was a custom-made T-shirt featuring an old police-booking photo of himself, framed by the statement, “Making Money Is My Thang.”
Maybe he can get another custom T-shirt made when he gets outta prison, featuring his latest mug shot and the words, “Making License Plates Is My Thang.” Ya think?

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September 2011

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