He’s A Government Employee!
Think twice before you stomp that cockroach in your backroom, folks — he might be a federal agent.
Researchers at North Carolina State University have developed a miniaturized electronic interface package for mounting on cockroaches. It allows them to control the roach’s movements, so they can carry teensy video cameras and wireless transmitters. Now, researchers say this can be useful in finding victims of earthquakes, hurricanes and bombings, but come on — you think this technology is gonna be ignored by the super-snoopers?
The geeks have found that by stimulating hair-like receptors on the roaches’ bellies and their antennae, they can be made to back up, go forward and make complex turning movements. They say that equipping a buncha roaches with this gear allows them to create “… a mobile web of smart sensors” that are “… robust and able to infiltrate small spaces.” Yeah, we know how “robust” cockroaches can be, don’t we?
Here’s the best part: The researchers wanted to use the strongest and most survivable cockroaches possible, so they’re recruiting giant Madagascar hissing cockroaches. They grow 2 to 3 inches in length, can climb straight up bare glass surfaces, and their thick exoskeletal “plate armor” makes ’em even tougher to kill than regular cockroaches.
Just wait until a couple dozen of these “mobile sensors” are deployed in a big building — or an airport? — and something goes wrong with the control system techie-toys, and the “Mad Hissers” get loose. Gee, cockroaches don’t actually reproduce, do they? Oh, well. Just listen for the hiss … and run!
Twenty-Two Mile Shot
So you think you’re a good shot, huh? Yeah? So what was your longest confirmed bullseye-accurate shot? Five hundred an’ twelve yards? Eight hundred and four? How ’bout 22 miles?
The Marine Corps recently confirmed that Golf Battery, 2nd Battalion, 11th Marines, made a record-breaking one-shot kill on an entire group of armed Taliban in the Musa Qala district of Afghanistan. They used a pretty big gun to do it — an M77 howitzer — and a pretty special round, the Raytheon-developed, GPS-guided 155mm Excalibur round. But still, c’mon, that was some super-sharp shootin’!
The Marines launched that round from Forward Operating Base Zeebrugge, in a completely different district, in neighboring Kajaki, 36 kilometers away. The Marine Corps Times said it set a new record for the Corps’ longest operational artillery shot, and another record for the longest Excalibur shot. A representative of Raytheon says they might make even longer shots in the future, because the round is designed to maintain precision accuracy out to 23.3 miles — 37.5 kilometers — under any weather conditions, and despite any attempts at electronic jamming.
And check this: the Excalibur can also be fired accurately at targets as close as 500 feet from the gun! That means if you want to attack Golf Battery, you’ll have to wiggle over 22 miles of ground in which you can get whacked at any moment by a sledgehammer outta the sky!
That Was Convenient!
As a flock of San Angelo cops pursued a high-speed, recklessly maneuvering stolen truck over miles and miles of West Texas roads, they had every intent of bringin’ it to a halt and stuffin’ the driver into their jailhouse. They just didn’t expect to complete those tasks in the way it finally worked out.
The stolen truck “halted,” all right. It crashed into the administrative wing of the San Angelo police station, doing over $100,000 in damages.
They’ll have to wait to book the driver, though. Amanda Jeffreys, 24, of Manor, Texas, had to be hospitalized with serious injuries. When she’s released from her hospital bed, the local prosecutor says they’ve got a bed waiting for her in the calaboose.
Pistols: Not For Dental Use
Cops responding to a gunshot call at a residence in Decatur, Ala., didn’t know for a while if they were investigating an attempted suicide, an accident or an assault. It turned out to be none of the above. Instead, it was a fumbled foray into the wacky world of do-it-yourself dentistry.
The amateur dentist — and patient — was a 61-y
ear-old guy who had spent hours trying to anesthetize his terrible toothache with a river of beer. When that didn’t work, he was apparently inebriated enough to think that shooting the offending tooth out with a .25 ACP pistol sounded like a good idea!
It wasn’t. Fancy that, huh? He was hospitalized missing a chunk of cheek and jowl, but it seems he missed the tooth.
By Commander Gilmore
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