That’s How The Cookie Crumbles
Randy Liedtke, a Los Angeles comedian, thought he had come up with the perfect prank to play on a cop — one he could have a great time telling an audience about. First, he baked some cookies about the same size and shape as his cell phone. Then he artistically frosted the edges and features of the phone’s “face” to make it look just like an iPhone. Randy’s plan was to go out driving, holding a phone-cookie up to his face and chatting with it, simulating California’s unlawful act of driving while talking on a cell phone. Once he managed to get pulled over, he planned to bite off a piece of the phone-cookie, eat it, and ask the officer if cookies were against the law.
Oh, he was gonna have fun. He was going to narrate and photograph the encounter live and share it with his adoring fans on Twitter. And hooray for Randy, as he did get pulled over by one of L.A.’s finest. He thought he was very funny. There was just one sticking point: He had forgotten there was a traffic warrant already issued for him for another offense, just waiting to be served.
His follow-up tweet was, “Says I have a warrant for unpaid parking tickets? Making me go with him.” Fortunately for Randy, the officer wrote him a misdemeanor citation and sent him on his way. His last tweet?
“Wasn’t worth it. I’m an idiot — no more iPhone cookies.”
Something Doesn’t Seem Right …
If you’re not familiar with the Republic of Azerbaijan, look it up. It’s one of the many satellite states of the former Soviet Union. It may have been freed from Uncle Ivan’s iron-fisted control, but that’s since been replaced by homegrown iron-fisted control. Here’s an example:
In newspaper polls leading up to the recent “free and open” presidential election in Azerbaijan, President Ilham Aliyev was projected to win at least 70 percent of the popular vote. Of course, those were government-controlled polls appearing in a government-controlled newspaper. But wow, were they accurate!
When the government released the official tally of votes, Aliyev had won with 72.76 percent of the votes! The problem was, the results were released on October 7. The elections took place on October 8. Election officials said the whole thing was a computer glitch. It didn’t change the “real results.” We wish them well with that whole “constitutional republic” idea.
Did They Try To Rob Superman?
I definitely want more details and a photo from this story, but can’t find anything else on it: According to San Francisco police, on December 27 last year, a group of young males robbed a man in the Bernal Heights area.
Although he cooperated fully, handing over his money, cell phone and valuables, one of the crooks pulled a gun and shot him. Oh, the victim was injured all right, but the report says the round ricocheted, or “glanced off” his face — and struck another one of the robbers, killing him dead.
The robbery victim’s name wasn’t released, so we don’t know if it was Superman, The Man in the Iron Mask or who…
A New Meaning To “House Arrest”
On a recent Saturday evening, a 36-year-old lady pulled her car into her garage in the Portage Park area of northwest Chicago and hit the remote to close the door behind her, as she did daily. But apparently, as the door was closing, 21-year-old Andre Bacon slithered in. The lady had just exited her car when Bacon popped up like a spring-loaded gremlin, demanding her car keys. She was shocked, but not shocked senseless.
She tossed him the keys, spun on her heel and ran out through the walk-through door, slamming and locking it behind her. Then she called the police.
Poor little Andre found himself with a cool car — her 2012 Acura MDX — and the keys, but no way to get out. Both the garage door and the walk-through door were locked.
When the cops arrived, Andre was sitting in the driver’s seat with the keys — but no clues. He never got to drive it, but he got nailed for felony attempted hijacking, and felony theft of the car keys. Bail was set at $75,000. Oh, sweet justice.
By Commander Gilmore
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